Married Life Commentator Pillows

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"He refuses to let me get on with the grieving process."

No, as a matter of fact he's lousy in bed, too.

"Darling, we don't seem to text anymore..."

"I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

How it started: How it's going

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"Honey, I'm home."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Yeah, work is tough, but nothing compared to coming home and stepping on one of the kids' legos."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"I don't see what you see in him."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"Don't like your present? Fine. Give it to me - I'll wear the diamond earrings."

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."