Marital Commentator Pillows

"Why do you always side with him?!"

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."