Marital Musings Pillows

'Oh, that stays here too, dear. You might need to read that prenup again mister!'

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'We need to talk.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

'My wife wanted a dog and I wanted a cat... In the end we got a lawyer!'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"