Married Musings Pillows

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Couples' therapy

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

His Her Cakes

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Men explained.

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Sulk Shows

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Get a tomb!"

'Choose, Fenster

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Dr. Stolner says it might be nice if I let you see my dark side."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.