Marriage Insights Gifts

'I know a lot of married couples don't talk at the breakfast table, but on their honeymoon.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Wanna talk about it?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

"I'm writig a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks.'"

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

'I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!'

"You need a husband transplant"