Navigating Marriage Challenges Gifts

'Look, Ralph -- nobody said marriage was going to be easy.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'We don't text anymore.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'