Navigating Marriage Challenges Pillows

'Look, Ralph -- nobody said marriage was going to be easy.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'We don't text anymore.'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'