Navigating Marital Challenges Gifts

'Don't build up your hopes. I've only come home early from the pub to have a cigarette then I'm going back!'

"How many more times, woman..."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'