Navigating Marital Challenges Gifts

'Don't build up your hopes. I've only come home early from the pub to have a cigarette then I'm going back!'

"How many more times, woman..."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'We don't text anymore.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'