Going Through A Tough Time In Marriage Gifts

"I spy with my little eye something heading toward divorce."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'We don't text anymore.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."