Going Through A Rough Patch In Marriage Gifts

"Why do I think we need to see a counselor, John? I'm starting to enjoy talking to telemarketers!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

'We don't text anymore.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'