Going Through A Rough Patch In Marriage Pillows

"Why do I think we need to see a counselor, John? I'm starting to enjoy talking to telemarketers!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'