Struggling Marriage Pillows

'I just can't keep on pretending that we've been living happily ever after!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'We don't text anymore.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

Rubbish husband...

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"The end of my wife's rope is near"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

'The Morning after the bridge night before.'