Difficult Marriage Pillows

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'