Marriage Experts Gifts

"I could use a breath mint after all that coffee. Have you seen them?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"...until death do you a favor."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

Incompatible.

Wedding disaster #27.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'