Marriage Consultant Gifts

"Well, my wife would be angry too if I was spending more money on make-up than she was."

"Two weeks after our marriage it turned out that she is 50% polyester...the bitch! I'm allergic to polyester! Man, never marry a sock puppet..."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Incompatible.

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"We don't talk anymore."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'