Marriage Advisor Gifts

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

"If this bed could talk it would have nothing to say!"

'She is critical of every woman I bring home.'

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"Well, if you'd married a dentist like I wanted, maybe HE could explain Bluetooth to me!"

"Sorry I'm late, but I had a full house. . . so I just had to play the hand!"

"Galapagos tortoises live a long time, so, if you want my advice, getting married young is a bad idea..."

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"I do too communicate. I just asked you where the do-dad is to fix the what-cha-ma-call-it!"

"He'll listen to the voice on the GPS, but he won't listen to me."

"I've lost track. Are you unhappy because I said you were making me unhappy or is it the other way around?"

'This 'love, honor, and cherish' stuff is great, but could you add something about him getting a job?'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

'Why do you suddenly want to see where I've been going every year?'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Smart Women, Foolish Choices

"Hi. We're grass-roots ad-hoc committee to save your marriage. May we come in?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"...until death do you a favor."