Marital Advisor Gifts

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'It's your wife!'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

"It's not what you think."

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

"How can we have an intelligent conversation if you keep interrupting me?!"

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'After talking to his wife, I've ruled out the 'Too Much Love Drives a Man Insane' theory.'

'He didn't want to come so I had to drag him here.'

Woman on a pedestal who married the suspicious type.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"...until death do you a favor."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."