Marital Advisor Gifts

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'It's your wife!'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

"It's not what you think."

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

"How can we have an intelligent conversation if you keep interrupting me?!"

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'After talking to his wife, I've ruled out the 'Too Much Love Drives a Man Insane' theory.'

'He didn't want to come so I had to drag him here.'

Woman on a pedestal who married the suspicious type.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."