Marital Advice Enthusiast Gifts

"Shall I mark you absent or present today?"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"He just married me on the rebound."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"It's not what you think."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

Gender Symbols

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I married for contrast."