Marital Advice Enthusiasts Gifts

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"He just married me on the rebound."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"It's not what you think."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

Gender Symbols

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage