Marital Advice Seeker Gifts

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Oh, did you say something, dear?'

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Why not give it another 24 hours?"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

Parson and abandoned husband

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"It's not what you think."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."