Marital Wisdom Seekers Gifts

Playing House.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

This is forever... till death do us part...

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

Parson and abandoned husband

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"He just married me on the rebound."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

"You need a husband transplant"

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

Hold on - for relationship questions, you'll want to see my wife.