Marital Advice Enthusiast Pillows

"Shall I mark you absent or present today?"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"It's not what you think."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I married for contrast."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'