Marital Advice Pillows

"You need a husband transplant"

'Do you have a good reason for coming home at 7 am?'

Irreconcilable Differences.

"Carmen, my husband's been coming home in the middle of the night. I don't know what to do...."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Great Therapy!'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'King Solomon had seven hundred wives, Ed, and you just have the one. Surely you can work out your differences.'