Marital Adviser Gifts

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

'What do you mean 'all my fault'?'

"Poor soul - he's been like that ever since he ran off with my wife..."

"Even cartoon women have needs!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"...until death do you a favor."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"