Matrimony Consultant Gifts

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"...until death do you a favor."

'Great Therapy!'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Incompatible.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'