Matrimony Consultant T-Shirts

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Great Therapy!'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"...until death do you a favor."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

Incompatible.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."