Married Life Expert Gifts

"Typical! Just typical!"

"Have you been farting?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"I need a more interactive you."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"It's not what you think."

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

Mrs. Almighty.

Cyber Fight

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"Honey, I'm home."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'I've no problem finding my wife's erogenous zone. It's my wallet.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."