Married Life Expert Gifts

"Typical! Just typical!"

"Have you been farting?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"I need a more interactive you."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"He just married me on the rebound."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"It's not what you think."

Mrs. Almighty.

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

Cyber Fight

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

"Honey, I'm home."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"Don't like your present? Fine. Give it to me - I'll wear the diamond earrings."

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"We usually get along, but when we don't, we fight like, um...well, you know."

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

'I've no problem finding my wife's erogenous zone. It's my wallet.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'