Love Life Expert Gifts

'Men never appreciate what's at stake in a relationship.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"All parents fight."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."