Love Expert Gifts

"First I'll tell you my side of the story then I'll tell you his"

"We started off in full alignment but have subsequently diverged."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Boyfriend of the Month.

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

cuPad

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

Real Estate Personals

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

The Stages of Wine

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"My aloofness is a mask."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"All parents fight."