Love Expert Pillows

"First I'll tell you my side of the story then I'll tell you his"

"We started off in full alignment but have subsequently diverged."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

A sentimental woman talking to her lover on a ship

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

cuPad

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

Real Estate Personals

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

The Stages of Wine

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"All parents fight."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"My aloofness is a mask."