Certified Love Expert Pillows

'What do you mean, you failed the written exam?!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Boyfriend of the Month.

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

cuPad

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

The Stages of Wine

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"All parents fight."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

"I've had my eye on you for some time"

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

When boomerangs argue.

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'