Love Life Analyst Gifts

"If we go halves do I still get sex afterwards?"

"Too much French kissing, I'm afraid. You've got athlete's tongue."

"Looks can be deceiving. His other side is really cool."

'I've been demoted to bromances.'

"You'll make a good first wife."

'I don't think I've had the pleasure.'

'No, I'm not going to hate myself in the morning. I hate myself now!'

"Actually, I'm looking for a man I can CHANGE into Mr. Right."

Make love and war

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

"How long have you been trying to break up with him?"

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."

'Ignore it. If a man says he needs help he wants to get into your knickers.'

"I can tell you didn't pull last night. . .You're wearing the same lipstick as yesterday."

"We've only been going out together for three week. I look on him as work in progress."

"Ok Karen, I guess we'll hear from you first."

"You'll always be a second tier friend to me."

"He sniffs my bottom, but is that LOVE?"

"She cheats on her husband, and he cheats on her. They see lie to lie."

"It's not about you George, it's ME, and the fact that I think you're a useless, pathetic waste of skin."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"... No, you're not my first husband. But, you're the first one who's ever been married to me."

'I forgot how charming men are around mothers so mothers wind up thinking everything is our fault.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem a lot more attractive?"

At times like this Jane was glad there was more than sex to their relationship.

'You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the jukebox right now as...our song. Luckily, I've always hated it.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'I'm thinking about writing a tell-all book about all of my sexual conquests.'

'I tried to finish with him over a month ago, but he just won't take the hint.'

'You're wonderful company, but I was looking for someone with super pac value.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,