Dating Life Analyst Gifts

"Smiley can't go to the mall...she says she has too much homework."

"Being ugly and dull has made safe sex a lot easier."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Modern Life Blues

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"Very funny."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"Honey, I'm home."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"He looks so natural."

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."