Modern Love Analyst Gifts

"Let's do it, let's fall in love."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted a three-way."

"Whaddaya say we skip the introductions, marriage, kids, and you just cut me a check right now?"

Cupid with Gun

Kindly readers, we are currently exploring a sensitive aspect of modern dating: The unrequited cellphone message. Two hours ago, Rudy left such a message for his girlfriend, Laurel, and she has yet to call him back. In another era, this would not necessarily be cause for concern. But with portable phones, some believe a delayed response might be a message of its own. She almost certainly left me for Larry Kudlow. Or her battery's out.

'We met, dated, got engaged, married, broke up, reconciled and divorced - all online.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Modern Life Blues

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

Tasty.

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Very funny."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"Honey, I'm home."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."