Romance Analyst Gifts

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'Isn't that a girlfriend of yours? Yes, three chequebooks ago.'

"Mom, Dad, admit it - your dating agency was manipulated by russian hackers, right?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

Awkward First Dates

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."