Romance Analyst Pillows

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'Isn't that a girlfriend of yours? Yes, three chequebooks ago.'

"Mom, Dad, admit it - your dating agency was manipulated by russian hackers, right?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."