Romantic Analyst Gifts

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

Jung and in Love

Probably yes, Ernie, but I'll have you appraised first.

Can I ask you something man-to-man? Shoot. Let's say person A developed a crush on person B, who happens to be less productive. Let's say person A then conducted a study that concluded there's a 78.9% chance that such a crush leads to dating, then to cohabitation, and finally to person B becoming a a drain on person A's resources. Hypothetically, what's the best way to get person B to compensate person A for the time I ... he ... spent conducting the study? Very bad man.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"No....wait! Let me guess...you're....Metrosexual!"

"After he gave me the ring, he said I have great long-term potential and a low risk factor."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Wine? Okay. I really don't care what you call it; let's invite over the two sisters from the cave next door.'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

'I don't know much about Art, but i can tell you all about his wife.'

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

Critics In Love

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'Let's get married,Miss Jones and have 2.8 kids!'

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"I can't see it lasting!"

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"