Love Analyst Gifts

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

A couple look at a graph on their bed

"I don't know what bothers me more... the fact that you want to leave me for a younger guy or the fact that this bloke is 72 years old..."

"I just broke up with my boyfriend. He said if I really loved him, I would get a job and help him buy a car."

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

I'm breaking up with Jeremy. He's a high maintenance guy whose service warranty has just expired.

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Was it love at first sight? Well, what do you think?'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'It's not so much a triangle-more a hexagon really.'

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

'You say your wife doesn't understand you? Here's my card. Call my secretary for an appointment and we'll talk about it. I'm a psychiatrist.'

"Baldo...me and you...well, we've never been that serious. I mean, we hardly see each other anymore, especially since you got that job."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

"These feelings of yours aren't unusual - in fact, several of them have Web sites."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

Evolution of love

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."