Love Contract Analyst Gifts

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Wall St. or True Love.

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Have you finished working out whether you still love me?"

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't expect me to spar with you."

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."