Love Contract Analyst Gifts

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Wall St. or True Love.

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I had half a date last weekend."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"Have you finished working out whether you still love me?"

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

Ask about the incentive plan - Miss one payment and we take you to court.

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't expect me to spar with you."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."