Contract Analyst Gifts

Ask about the incentive plan - Miss one payment and we take you to court.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Your NDA prohibits you from talking about my tendency to bark."

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"

'Doctor, you're on the edge of violating your non-compete.'

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional..."

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."