Contractual Analyst Gifts

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"I meant the dog!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

"But if I'm not a senior collateral analyst for a high-volume, global marketing corporation...who am I?"

"Your NDA prohibits you from talking about my tendency to bark."

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

Rebel without an escape clause

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

The aerial photo analyst wasn't sure how to categorize this anomaly.

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Ask about the incentive plan - Miss one payment and we take you to court.