Contractual Commentator Gifts

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

The Hockey World

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

Suggestion Box.

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

"The way I see it, the Constitution cuts both ways. The First Amendment gives you the right to say what you want, but the Second Amendment gives me the right to shoot you for it."

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'

...Unemployment rising... 'I knew the employment bubble would burst eventually.'

"Your NDA prohibits you from talking about my tendency to bark."

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

"But is it art?"

"This is a work station, Jackson!"

'Money isn't everything...but it should be.'

I dread to think what he would have got had they made a profit.

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"