Contract Critic Gifts

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'The contract is very clear. You're free to go once the project's completed.'

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'Having reviewed your work, we enthusiastically recommend that you totally disregard the noncompete clause in your contract.'

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'Sorry, no refunds. Didn't you read our fine print in Sanskrit about our return policy?'

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

'It's a good contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

"Just hit the 'agree' button. It's right next to the boilerplate icon."

"�this is the standard company contract - I want you to stick in a couple of loopholes."

'Darn lawyers, sneaky hey? I didn't read the fine print either when I signed the contract...'

'As I suspected. About as watertight as the Titanic!'

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"I need to sign a non-compete just for a job interview?"

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"I'm sorry Mr. Bond, but you can't just leave Comcast."

'I know obscene when I see it, and this labor contract you offer your workers is obscene!'

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

Union contracts

Law Office. I'm sorry, sir, but explaining the non-disclosure agreement is a violation of it.

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

A. Einstein. E = MC2. Yes, I do space-time research, but that doesn't mean I know how to get you out of your timeshare contract.

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

"This employee contract is unacceptable, 97% of it is gibberish... I want the other 3% sorted out now!"

'The penalty for early withdrawal? Forfeiting the right to make early withdrawals.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Town Planning Department

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'