Contract Critique Gifts

'I don't need an agent. I negotiated my own contract for ten million...Ten dollars a month for a million years.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'