Contract Skeptic Gifts

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

Just kidding, we don't really reject you for not reading all those terms of service agreements.

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'