Contract Quibbler Gifts

'You have 90 days to fix the problem, or we'll fix it, and mail you the bill!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'I got one this small.'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"Before we hire you, we'd like you to sign this non-compete agreement. It basically states that you won't work anywhere else for the rest of your life."

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'Doctor, you're on the edge of violating your non-compete.'

"OK, let's go to contract."

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

"Apart from the NDA, we have another option before signing a contract."

'Hey, I don't agree with the new clauses in this new symbiosis contract...'

Confusion Reigns Over Contracts

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

"You can't cheat an honest man, but you can probably screw his attorney."

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

'Sorry, but pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'