Contract Juggler Gifts

"Before we hire you, we'd like you to sign this non-compete agreement. It basically states that you won't work anywhere else for the rest of your life."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"Everything's gone up."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

'Well I like to think every cloud has a silver lining.'

'Wait a minute....!

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

Call Your Office

'It may well be nesting J.T but damn it, you've got a company to turn.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'