Contract Enthusiasts Gifts

'OK, I'm back. Here's a notarized hard copy of my offer granting you three wishes, all ready for your lawyer to review. And I don't mind telling you, pal, it's jerks like you who are RUINING this job!'

'She'll sign that prenuptial if he'll sign this postnuptial agreement.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Don't forget to read the small print.

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'It's ok, he's signed - release his children.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

Corporate Lawyers

'So, what are the terms of use?'

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

"Basically, by signing here, you consent to letting me manage any life prolonging medical treatments."

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill