Contract Aficionados Gifts

The Contract & The Change Orders.

When Science Catches Up to Sports: 'I want $400,000 a year, a bonus for each step that leads to a new product and a five year contract or trade me to another lab.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Don't forget to read the small print.

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'It's ok, he's signed - release his children.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'So, what are the terms of use?'

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

"Basically, by signing here, you consent to letting me manage any life prolonging medical treatments."

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

"Damned if they do and damned if they don't? This is BRILLIANT work, everybody! Why didn't we think of this before?"

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."