Contract Connoisseurs Gifts

"The language in this contract is wordy and indirect, and uses unnecessary technical words and phrases. I'm very impressed."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Don't forget to read the small print.

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

'It's ok, he's signed - release his children.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

'What if this time, more heads has made us more stupid?'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'So, what are the terms of use?'

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

'Of course, simple mistakes can be done by anybody, but to really mess up things, you need a specialist: me, the IT consultant!'

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"Basically, by signing here, you consent to letting me manage any life prolonging medical treatments."

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'